Friday, May 24, 2013

The best Gen 5 Pokemon

holy poo, there were a lot of amazing Pokemon in this generation. I feel like I'll be coming back to Black every once in a while just to run a different team of cool dudes. And I can do it, too, there's a lot of type diversity to be found. anyway, the very best Unova has to offer as as follows:

10. Gigalith
9. Reuniclus
8. Simisage
7. Darmanitan
6. Genesect
5. Scolipede
4. Timburr
3. Chandelure
2. Galvantula
1. Cofagrigus

and if I integrate this with my cumulative top 10...

1. Haunter
2. Heracross
3. Scyther
4. Cofagrigus
5. Machamp
6. Blazekin
7. Galvantula
8. Pinsir
9. Cacturne
10. Typhlosion

yeah, I really, REALLY like Cofagrigus. I also like how aside from Cacturne and Typhlosion, my top 10 is comprised entire of Ghosts, Fighters, and Bugs.

Now, it's your turn! according to your own (flawed) opinions, who are the shining stars of the 5th Gen?

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

5th Gen Summary

One thing I love about the Pokemon series is that each game improves on the mechanics of the last.

2nd Gen added a Sp. Def stat and fixed some of the bullshit from Gen 1.
3rd Gen added double battles, and made the Box system bearable.
4th Gen finally added a Special/Physical split among attacks.
5th Gen threw in rotation and triple (my new favorite) battles, and made HMs optional and TMs reusable.

Throughout this, there's been a Day/Night/Seasonal system that's come and gone and hardly ever really mattered at all. I'd like to see Gen 6 take this concept and do something useful with it, for once.

But back to the 5th Gen. Black and White contained all new Pokemon, which made the game feel fresh and exciting. No old standards to rely on, it's time to make new friends. And I definitely found a lot of new dudes to hang with. At the same time, it also gave a reason to create new Pokemon to fill existing niches that were suddenly empty, which is a casus belli that the previous generations didn't have.

and then we got Black2 and White2, which for the first time actually introduced enough "new" things to justify their creation. I know people expected a Gray, and perhaps they could've just made one new game, but I'm glad for the remixed Pokedex and new routes. also that battle tournament thing is badass, triple battle tournament with the gym leaders from all previous games? it's as fantastic as it sounds.

But let's return to what you came here for, and the true heart and soul of any Pokemon game - the roster itself. The 5th Gen Pokemon averaged out to 5.4/10, and I have to say I'm a little surprised it's that low. because, I totally thought I loved this generation, but apparently I actually like it 2nd least. I think what it was, is there's a high amount of 5/10s in here. Not as many absolute stinkers as Gen 4, and a few gems, but most of them just sort of hover around the middling range.

I think a lot of the designs were good, but more than a few were just not designs suited for a Pokemon game. compared to Gen 4, with many designs not suited for even a modern art gallery. But enough about me, what do you peoples think?


other regional scores, for reference:
Gen 1: 6.2
Gen 2: 5.8
Gen 3: 6.1
Gen 4: 4.8
Gen 5: 5.4

No. 649: Genesect

it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down...


well, we've at last made it through the end of the 5th gen, the largest of all the generations, and at the time of this writing, the most recent generation actually existing in our current reality. And what is our reward? who is the monster at the end of the book?

none other than that mother-loving Neon Genesis Evangeli-bug himself, Genesect. hopy SHIT do I love this guy. you don't know how long I've been waiting for a Bug-type legendary, and Genesect doesn't disappoint.

Let's start with that wonderful, delicious name - Genesect. An insect of genocide. but not just that, it's also a mecha genocidal bug. with a big-ass laser canon on its back and and insane grin on its face. The purple coloring is pretty swag, and the Char Custom red shiny sprite is also neat. It's a robot, yet doesn't look like it has too many moving pieces, which keeps the design complexity down.

you can make it hold different Drives, which makes its unique attack have different types, which is a cool enough idea. But with stats like that, it really doesn't need any gimmicks in wrecking house. also those don't really count as alternate forms. Neither does its flying-saucer form that it apparently takes in the recent anime movie, but that ain't in the games so fortunately I don't even have to acknowledge it exists.

basically, Genesect is a mean bastard who'll cut your throat and turn your family into tang. and he's coming to get you. It's not that you mustn't run away, it's more like you can[not] escape.


Overall: 10/10

Saturday, May 11, 2013

No. 648: Meloetta

we're almost there... almost at the end...


but first, here's a singing nymph or something, I don't even freaking know anymore. Is a girl who sings really that legendary, Gamefreak? think about you life and your choices here. I dig how her hair is musical bars, complete with dots for notes, though. and then its arms are musical notes, and it has a treble cleff in its hair. so they definitely did a good job of creating a Musical Sprite creature.

I just question whether or not it's really that much of a Pokemon. I dunno. The design is good, but it just feels so tacked-on, like most of the Gen 5 legendaries. meh...

Aria Form: 5/10


That's not all, though. As well all know, every Legendary Pokemon needs an alternate form, and if you use the move Relic Song in battle, Meloetta changes to a Fighting type, and gains Atk and Speed instead of Sp. Atk and Sp. Def.

Now, I like this. it's a transformation that might actually have some use, and you can control when/if it happens. Compare to Darmanitan, who only changes if he's below half health, and then moves too slow to do shit anyway. The design isn't as focused, and I think it would've been find just as a musical fairy, but a dancing fairy with a head wrap is fine, too.

Pirouette Form: 5/10


Overall: 5/10

Friday, May 10, 2013

No. 647: Keldeo

I'm dragging my feet here because I'm scared of what happens when I run out of Pokemon. I don't want the dream to end just yet.

anyway, here's another little pony thing. the first think I notice is that its horseshoes are on backwards. THe second thing I notice is that it looks like they drew a butthole on it, which is unsettling to me.

If those other legendary deer were the Three Musketeers, then this is D'Artagnan, the guy who is actually the protagonist and makes the novel Four Musketeers but by that time it was too late to change the title or something. and just like D'arty, Keldeo isn't nearly as experienced or badass, and mainly gets through with luck and bullshit.

I don't know, what was the point of this guy even? he looks like Tezuka drew him.


Ordinary Form: 3/10

but wait - there's more! because everything has to have multiple forms these days, here's the Resolute Form! it... has a bigger horn? and feathers in its hair? and that's it? I don't even know what this form DOES. it has the same type, do its stats increase? again, what is the goddamn point?

I guess I like this one more, because it looks more like a legendary unicorn thing. but I still can't say I care about it.

Resolute Form: 4/10


Overall: 3/10

Friday, May 3, 2013

No. 646: Kyurem

man, what an ugly piece of shit.


lopsided and broken, Kyurem is supposed to be like half of a Pokemon or something? like Reshiram and Zekrom were ripped from him? I still don't know if that's canon or not. All I know is that Kyurem is definitely not a 9/11 personification, regardless of what Cracked.com thinks.

but seriously, Kyurem looks messed up. there's no way he's balanced like that. his arms are too small do to anything. and the dude is cracking all over, he can't be healthy. But you know what's even worse than Kyurem? his new forms in Black2 and White2. Because there just weren't enough overdesigned legendarys in the world.

Kyurem: 2/10

Black Kyurem looks pretty damn stupid if you ask me. Sure, he turned into a fully proportional dragon, but he's still got Zekrom's ridiculous bee-butt tail. And strange blue power cords. And any sense of symettry was thrown out of the window. This guy went full Digimon. And you never go full Digimon. I think we can all agree this was a bad idea.

Black Kyurem: 1/10


White Kyurem, on the other hand, is flat-out awful in every single possible regard. Fire and Ice do not mix, certainly not here at least. Nothing is going right, and everything is going wrong. this is an assault upon good taste, and I'm afraid it's winning. I mean, seriously.
Chunks of ice thrown around? check.
retarded jet-engine tail with feathers sprouting out of it? check.
knives on his toes and knees? check.
mis-matched arm guards? check.
glowy lines and tubes? check.
pervasive sense of suckage? check.
general idea that the artist got lost somewhere between Crap St. and Piss Ave.? check.

White Kyurem: 1/10


Overall: 1/10